Consuming Thoughts

I hesitated to share this.
Please forgive my self reflection, but I know I'm not alone in this...

I have just had a revelation that may not be a revelation to those who know me. I am very picky (well, I knew that part), but I am picky to the point that I like everything a certain way and when it's not, it really bothers me. I mean, sometimes things not being a certain way overly consumes my thoughts. I try to figure out a way to make everything...and I mean everything the way I would like it to be. When I finally get something the way I like it...then I'm satisfied and can rest my mind.
For example: I looked for a GPS unit for about a year before I finally committed to buying one. I studied and researched and played with them at electronic stores etc...to the point it consumed my thoughts on a daily basis. I absolutely had to understand every GPS out there, including using GPS on a small laptop, phone or a portable media device. I became an expert in a pointless pursuit. I did finally make a decision and felt really good that I got exactly the GPS I wanted out of every GPS available in the entire world (I'm not kidding). I am like this with most everything. The good part is when I find something I like, I'm satisfied and pretty much will stick with it. (I bought 3 pairs of one shoe that I liked). I think this can be a good trait, but the problem I see is the time spent (literal and in my mind) trying to satisfy my every desire. This can be a problem. The temptation is to place this same type of standard on my family and friends. I really only have a few carefully chosen close friends partly because of this reason. Friends should first of all, be without reserve those who are part of my church family. They are my brothers and sisters and God is the one Who chooses them, not me. Therefore, my urge to analyze exactly the type of friend I want is thus unnecessary and even evil. The urge instead needs to be an analytical analysis of how to help my brothers and sisters be more like Christ and not meeting my own selfish desires. AND!..this must first start with myself! Yes, I do this and to the point where I'm over critical...I'm never to the point where I'm satisfied. This is good in one sense, but debilitating in another. My mind can be over consumed with my inadequacies. I know I'm not the only person who struggles with this and thus my comment (lest I be self-indulging). My friends, may we not be over consumed with any thoughts, but with Jesus Christ. Our minds can never think on Him too much and we will never be "satisfied", for we do not have enough years to analyze and understand this God Who died for us. What can contain the intricacies of our God? Can words? Can thoughts? Can this universe? All are contained within Him. Our minds can not grasp this and yet there is a peace. Our peace is in our trusting of Him. Faith in this Infinite God. Faith in our Loving God. Love is Who He is and yet this word does not contain Him. He is ... and I almost tremble anytime I read, write or type His name...He is...I AM. (fall to the ground in your mind and heart)No explanation needed, for He is Who He is and we except by faith He will do what He will do, because of Who He is. One thing we do know for sure...He first loved us and gave Himself for us. Thus we love Him, because He first loved us. Let us rest in one thing...that we know Him and that we will continually know Him. We do not need to look for another! He is our everything. Analyze yes, but with a confidence that He is the very God of the Universe and there is no other. We analyze not if He is the God to follow, but rather how we are to follow this God and to know more of Who our Father is. Thank God for His Word that gives us exactly what we need to know of Him right now. Let us know Him in spirit and in truth. Let us know you oh God! Give us good gifts Father! Give us not a stone! We are hungry and thirsty! Fill us O Lord! We desire not candy, but real food! Thank you O Father that You are Good. You are Loving. You are Merciful. You are All-Knowing and thus we rest our thoughts in You. Consume our thoughts.

Consume our thoughts.

Candy Land

Triple decker chocolate ice cream
Melting from the scorching sun
Moving fast to keep from dripping
Down before you hear the gun

Double dose of sugar candy
Taken from a child of three
Make him move away from danger
Save him from the stormy sea

One shot of vanilla latte
Perk you up for what’s to come
Dodging bullets and escaping danger
You can hear the beating drum

Life is short and so they tell you
Take your pills and resist the need
To fill yourself with fleeting pleasure
will damage your reigning seed

Candy Land is here to save you
Eat all that you want
Gorge yourself with every amusement
This is what this Land will taunt

This is the dream of Candy Land
To obtain your hopes and wants
To spend your life reaching for this feeling
Of the message of the taunts

Just a little more of this
and maybe a little bit of that
You will be fulfilled and happy
You will finally reach your stat

Candy eventually kills my friend
It rots you to the core
Take heed to resist the taunts
of always wanting more

11/18/09
Copyright © 2009 Brian Jackson All rights reserved

I Should Have Been a Ninja

I should have been a Ninja
I like to wear black
I sleep with a sword
In case of an attack

I should have been a Ninja
I got skills with a staff
I am usually quite
Even when I laugh

I should have been a Ninja
I like to wear masks
To hide my identity
So don’t even ask

I should have been a Ninja
But there is one problem you see
I don’t like to kill
I like to make free

If I were a Ninja
I would try to set free
Children from predators
In terror they would flee

If I were a Ninja
I would secretly find
The plans of a terrorist
To kill all mankind

I would copy the plans
On a copy machine
Fax them to the world
For everyone to see

If I were a Ninja
In secret I’d help the weak
Give of my time
Their good I would seek

I would give of my goods
To feed those that hunger
Especially the elder and
Especially the younger

It then hits me
And I finally see...
A Ninja of freedom!
That’s what I’ll be!

11-6-09
Copyright © 2009 Brian Jackson All rights reserved

Those of you that know me well, know the first section is literally true (well, ok maybe not an expert at the bo staff)....the last section....let it be! I think this would make a good children's book. There is actually a lot of meaning to this poem though, if you think about it. The main message here is that many times we dream of being something great (according to our own ideas), yet we can be the greatest by being the least of all. This is true freedom...freedom from self. Let's all be Ninja's of Freedom, devoting our lives to others.

I am vaccinated by your touch
Protecting me from viral love
The antidote for my
Poisonous insecurities
That haunt me like
morphinic dreams

I can’t hide
For you hear my heart
Like a stethoscope
Pressed against my chest

Hold me
Press your lips
Against me
And penetrate me
Like a needle
In my skin of stone

You have a scalpel
That carves out
My stress
Filling the holes
With peace

Peace
but not quite
For your whisper
Gently reminds
Me everyday
I am yours
And
You are mine

11/4/09
Copyright © 2009 Brian Jackson All rights reserved

I am not much of a romantic, but here is my first real attempt at a kind of romantic poem. Allison hates it, but I usually fast forward through any type of romantic moments in a movie. I did give my romantic poem some action to help me make it through...you know needles, scalpels and poison. I haven't written for awhile and out comes a romantic poem tonight...go figure. Maybe I ran out of creative juices and finally submitted to writing romantically. : ) This is rare, but I couldn't think of a title...Nurse?, um Poison Love?...uh Doctor Love...ok I'm kidding, but I really couldn't think of an appropriate title.

Make Believe

Plastic mannequins playing cards
While wax figures melt away
Lego houses with Barbi doll toys
This is the path of loneliness
leading to the path of the crazy
Where has time gone?
Wake up to what’s real
Let time be stole no more

Pain is what separates you
from the plastic soldier
Melt the plastic
Recycle
and rejoice
in the splinters
for you are alive

Now live.

9/29/09
Copyright © 2009 Brian Jackson All rights reserved


I really haven't written much lately. I suppose my new position has had my mind overly occupied as of late. This poem may seem a little odd to post. My meditation here is on the trappings of creating "make believe" worlds to give us the illusion of intimate satisfaction. I remember seeing a documentary on Michael Jackson and he had these wax figures and mannequins he would keep in his room. My first reaction was "this guy is a psycho", but then I thought about how sad this was. Here is a guy who had millions of people that "loved" him and longed to be with him. Yet, he was so lonely that he surrounded himself with imaginary friends. From my own perception, I imagine that "real" people are not trustworthy. They cause hurts, disappointments and the like. In this age of facebook, blogs, myspace etc. there can be the temptation to be satisfied with a sort of cyber friendship, while distancing ourselves from those around us. I think these are great tools to enhance relationships, meet new friends or just to keep in touch. Perhaps for most people this has strengthened friendships. I am glad we have these tools, but at the same time let's not lose site of what's real. All that being said, let's not lose site of our One True Friend. Let's not lose site of our families. Another relationship that is critical is our local church. You can't find church online or through sermon downloads. We are instructed to "not forsake the assembling our ourselves together". The local church is what Christ uses to keep us accountable, to establish real, true and intimate relationships. Other relationships are great, but let's not forget the intimate relationships where God has chosen to intertwine us. Here is where people can see the "real you" and maybe therein lies the hesitation.